No, sir, we do not have a "doggy bag" at this establishment.

Another long one.  I like it.  The premise kinda got lost, though, and it just becomes a scene.  I still like it, though, it has some good, small, subtle things that I normally don't write but have been trying to do more of lately.  P.S. "Eric" was written with Jason Sudeikis in mind.  It didn't start off that way, but that's what it slowly became as it progressed.  He's a pretty Sudeikis-y character.

TEN DATES

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

An attractive couple, ERIC and JENNA, sit at their table at a fancy, five-star restaurant.  The waiter comes by and quickly refills their wine glasses.

ERIC

Thank you, garcon.

WAITER

Very good, sir.  Your dinners will be out shortly.

The waiter leaves.  Jenna laughs and sits up in her seat.

JENNA

"Garcon"!  I didn't know you spoke French!

ERIC

Only a little.  I don't like to show off.

JENNA

Gosh, our tenth date and I'm still learning new things about you!

ERIC

Yeah, I guess we're still feeling each other out.  Not literally yet, but--

JENNA

Haha!  You play your cards right, mister, and tonight might be the night we make lo-ove!

Jenna smiles and sips her wine.  Eric can read her obvious body language.  He leans in.

ERIC

What do you say we skip the meal and just head back to my place right now?

Jenna smiles.  She opens her mouth to answer when the waiter arrives just then with their food.  Jenna and Eric sit up as the waiter sets down their plates in front of them.  They look less than pleased at the waiter's timing but smile anyway.

WAITER

For you, sir, the roast duck in mushroom sauce.  And for the lady, the veal in marinara.

JENNA

Thanks.

ERIC

(being "smooth")

Thank you, garcon...

He winks at Jenna.  She giggles silently.  The waiter doesn't react, he tries to move on.

WAITER

You two enjoy your meal.  If there's anything else you need tonight, just let me know.

The waiter starts to leave, but Eric quickly stops him.

ERIC

Actually, is there anyway to get this to go?  Like in a doggy bag?

Jenna smiles coyly.

JENNA

(aside, to Eric)

Oh, I'm gonna "doggy bag" you...

The waiter, meanwhile, is pretty put off by Eric's lower class request.

WAITER

(extremely snooty/pretentious)

No, sir, we do not have a, quote, "doggy bag" at this establishment.

ERIC

Uh, thanks.

The waiter smiles and nods to the couple.

WAITER

Enjoy your meal.

He exits.  Eric turns to Jenna.

ERIC

Do you want to just stay and eat?  I mean, the food is here, we may as well.

JENNA

Yeah, I mean--

She smiles widely.

JENNA

--it's not like your PENIS is going anywhere!  Except in my VAGINA!  HA!

Eric smiles with wide eyes and tries to suppress a laugh.

ERIC

(gritting his teeth)

Haaa, hey, let's see how fact we can eat our dinners!

JENNA

Okay!

They both dig in with intentions of eating fast and getting out of there, but, as soon as they take a bite of their dinners, they are immediately overwhelmed by how delicious it is.

ERIC

(mouth full of food)

Oh, wow.

JENNA

This is so good!

ERIC

Seriously the best duck I've ever tasted.

They both make "yummy" noises as they continue to eat their food with slightly less urgency as before, taking in the flavor with each bite.

ERIC

I still can't wait to do things to you... but this duck is so darn tasty!

JENNA

Oh, I'm going to taste YOUR duck!

ERIC

(not paying attention)

Do what now?  Alright.

They continue to try to simultaneously eat fast and savor the food.  Both moan at how good the food is and how horny they are.

JENNA

(moaning)

Nnnngh, seriously, I am going to destroy you.

ERIC

Me or the veal?

JENNA

(saying "both" with her mouth full)

BOF!

They continue to eat.

ERIC

God, when I get you home...

JENNA

Oh yeah, tell me, baby.

ERIC

I'm just gonna... Mmm... This duck is so tender!

JENNA

Come on!

ERIC

Alright, alright, let's get serious!

Just then, the waiter returns to the table.

WAITER

So how is everything?

ERIC

QUE MAGNIFIQUE.

JENNA

You're sure we can't wrap this up and take it home?

WAITER

(smug laugh)

No, madame, we don't cater to such lower class demands.  But if there's anything else I can help you with, just let me know.

The waiter turns and leaves while Eric and Jenna hover over their plates, they are nowhere near being done.  This is becoming work for them as they labor over the food.

ERIC

I feel like this is ruining the mood.

Jenna looks up at him with here cheeks stuffed with veal.  She's got her bedroom eyes on, not to mention a little sauce on her chin.

JENNA

The sooner we finish eating, the sooner it'll be you between my cheeks and not this veal.

ERIC

You've got--

JENNA

Between my BUTT cheeks, I mean!

Eric takes a second and then moves on.

ERIC

You've got a little something...

He motions to the sauce on her chin.  She takes her napkin and wipes it up.

JENNA

Yeah, let me wipe that sauce up.  It'll be YOUR sauce next, baby...

ERIC

Please don't incorporate the meal into your come-ons, it's really not doing it for me.

Eric is slowly losing all interest here.  He's not even eating anymore.

JENNA

Come on, finish eating!

ERIC

I'm really not into this anymore.  Let's just calm down and eat like normal.

Jenna doesn't slow down.

ERIC

No, come on, let's just have a normal meal.

Jenna continues to stuff her face.  She grabs some bread from the complimentary bread basket and munches on that between bites of veal.

ERIC

(confused)

Why would you eat the bread if you're trying to get out of here faster?

Jenna continues.  Eric looks disgusted.

ERIC

I've really lost my appetite here.

Jenna doesn't look up for this one.

JENNA

I've still got an appetite for you.

ERIC

Yeah...

The waiter approaches again.

WAITER

And how is everything?

ERIC

Can we just get the check?

WAITER

Are you sure?  It doesn't look like the lady is finished.

Jenna takes a deep breath and continues to put it away.

ERIC

I'm sure.  Just the check, please.

WAITER

Very well.  I'll be just a moment.

The waiter exits.  Eric just looks at Jenna as she pigs out.  She takes one last lazy bite and sits up.

ERIC

Some veal, huh?  We'll have to remember this place.

No response.  Jenna doesn't look so good, she kinda stares off blankly.

ERIC

Are you okay--

She spits up a little on herself.

ERIC

(horrified)

Oh, boy.

Jenna still looks out of it, she ate way too much way too fast.  Eric looks uncomfortable.

ERIC

I'm just going to leave my credit card with you, I'll get it back eventually.

He stands to leave.

ERIC

I really don't know why you finished your whole meal, you really didn't have to--

Jenna suddenly snaps out of it.

JENNA

Wait!

ERIC

Yeah?

JENNA

(groggily)

You speak French, right?  The language of love?

ERIC

We've established that, yes.

JENNA

Voulez-vous---

ERIC

(realizing what's going on here)

No.

JENNA

--Coucher--

ERIC

No.

JENNA

--A vec moi--

ERIC

No, not at all.

JENNA

--Ce soir?

ERIC

No.  Tonight?  Definitely not tonight.  I'll call you.

Just then, the waiter returns with the check.

ERIC

Oh, as long as you're here...

He hands his credit card to the waiter.

ERIC

Quickly, please.

The waiter looks confused at what's going on, then "realizes" as he smiles knowingly.

WAITER

Ah, yes, sir.  I won't hold up your love-making session any longer than I have to.

ERIC

(repulsed)

What in the-- No, that's not... Oh, dear...

He catches a glimpse of Jenna.  She looks terrible.

ERIC

Oh, dear.  Are you alright?

Jenna looks up at him.

JENNA

Remember when we wanted a doggy bag?

ERIC

Yes...?

Jenna motions for him to come closer.  He does.  Then:

JENNA

(whispering)

I want you to put it in my doggy bag...

Eric is instantly repulsed.

ERIC

I take it back, I WON'T be calling you.

The waiter returns with Eric's credit card and the receipt to sign.  Eric signs very quickly and sloppily.

ERIC

Goodnight!

He quickly exits.  The waiter looks confused.  Jenna looks groggy.  She looks up at him.

JENNA

Well... Do YOU want to have sex with me?

The waiter looks completely disgusted.

WAITER

(repulsed)

Madame, please.  At Olive Garden, you're family.

BLACK OUT.