I know y'all watch Chappelle's Show!

This one is a couple of years old and I don't feel like updating the references.  As Taylor from "Kid Nation" would say: DEAL WITH IT

PRESIDENT OF JOKES

INT. WHITE HOUSE

A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.  A PODIUM SITS AT THE END OF A LONG HALLWAY WITH SEVERAL MICROPHONES ATTACHED TO IT.  REPORTERS WAIT IDLY OFF CAMERA.  IDLE CHATTER IS AUDIBLE.  A MAN COMES OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER TO ANNOUNCE THE PRESIDENT.

MAN (V.O.)

Ladies and gentleman: the president of the United States.

THE PRESIDENT WALKS OUT TO THE PODIUM.  EVERYONE APPLAUDS.  PHOTOS ARE SNAPPED.  THE PRESIDENT HOLDS UP A HAND TO ACKNOWLEDGE EVERYONE AND SILENCE THE CROWD.

PRESIDENT

My fellow Americans: the events of the past week have devastated our nation to the core.  The bombings in Arizona and Little Rock.  The invasion of Texas by the Mexicans.  The drought that has been sweeping the nation for the last four and a half months.  And “Mind of Mencia” just got renewed for another season!

CROWD GIVES A CHUCKLE.

PRESIDENT (CONT'D)

But seriously, at a time like this, it's very difficult for us as a nation to keep our heads, to persevere.  We have always been a resilient nation and it is time to prove our strength once again.  When the stock market crashed in the 1920s, we overcame.  When President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, we overcame.  When the Vietnam War came to an inconclusive and controversial end, we overcame.  And when Michael Jackson was acquitted, we overcame.

THE CROWD LAUGHS.  HE LAUGHS ALONG WITH THEM.

PRESIDENT (CONT'D)

Well, Michael did anyway!  No, but seriously, the process of rebuilding is not an easy one.  It takes time and patience, something that I know plenty about, having been married for 23 years!

HE SMILES AND MOTIONS INTO THE CROWD.

PRESIDENT (CONT'D)

My beautiful wife, Sheryl!  Take a bow, Honey!  Give her a hand, everybody!

SHE DOES.  THEY DO.  AS THE APPLAUSE DIES DOWN:

PRESIDENT (CONT'D)

Marriage is a tricky thing, y'know...

HE TAKES A MICROPHONE FROM THE STAND AND JUST STARTS RIFFING.  CANNED LAUGHTER UNDER THE JOKES.  SHOTS OF THE LAUGHING MEDIA GENERALLY INTERSPERSED LIKE A “COMEDY CENTRAL PRESENTS” STAND-UP SPECIAL.

PRESIDENT (CONT'D)

Even though I'm the PRESIDENT my wife is still in charge!  I run a nation of over 50 million people but I can't even run my own house!  We're happy together though, we have 3 kids: 2 boys and a girl.  My son, Roger, is just 18 months old.  He's so precious, but it seems like he's trying to break up my marriage!  Every night he comes into sleep in our bed because he had a “bad dream”.  If this keeps up, I'M gonna have a bad dream IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'!  I swear, my love life is starting to look like pigs in a blanket: my wife's the pig and John Grisham is the blanket!  That's a little bit of a stretch but come on, how many books is that guy gonna write?!  Seriously, he's getting more attention from my wife than her “light sabre”!  I know y'all watch Chappelle's Show!  Marriage is hard work, though.  I just wish it would be harder!  Eh, eh?!  Dogs and cats are weird and hey, what's the deal with board games?  The name is already self-defeating: board games.  BORED games.  Games we'd only play when we're bored.  Who names these things?  Probably MY WIFE!  Alright, you guys have been great, don't for get to tip your waitress on the way out!

HE PUTS THE MIC BACK ON THE STAND AND EXITS TO UPROARIOUS APPLAUSE AND A “ROCK 'N ROLL” VERSION OF “HAIL TO THE CHIEF” PLAYING AS EXIT MUSIC.

THE END