Larry My Heart At Wounded Knee

LARRY’S FURNITURE

OPEN ON: GENERIC WAREHOUSE WITH “FURNITURE” SIGN

SUPERIMPOSED TEXT: LARRY’S FURNITURE 913-555-1234

VOICEOVER

Fall is here and that’s exactly what prices at Larry’s Furniture are doing: But don’t take it from me, ask Larry!

CUT TO:

INT. FURNITURE STORE

LARRY STANDS IN A CHEAP SUIT IN FRONT OF A LARGE DISPLAY ROOM OF FURNITURE.  LARRY, AS WELL AS EVERY OTHER CHARACTER BESIDES THE VOICEOVER, SPEAKS STIFFLY WITH STILTED SPEECH THROUGHOUT.

LARRY

That’s right, my prices are fall-fall-falling like the leaves from our neighborhood trees.  Prices like for this ottoman--

HE APPROACHES A NEARBY OTTOMAN.

LARRY (CONT'D)

--once 79.99, Now only 49.99.  

HE APPROACHES A LEATHER CHAIR.

LARRY (CONT'D)

Or this chair, once 129.99, now just 89.99.  But that’s not all, take a look at this deal.  Fall is the time for having love and falling into it.

HE WALKS TOWARDS ANOTHER PIECE OF FURNITURE OFFSCREEN.

LARRY (CONT'D)

That’s why all love seats are fifty percent--

LARRY COMES UP TO A LOVE SEAT WHERE SHERYL AND ARMANDO SIT IN EACH OTHERS’ ARMS.

LARRY (CONT'D)

Sheryl, what are you doing.  How could you.

SHERYL

What do you expect, Larry, when you never buy me nice things.

LARRY

Maybe I could afford to if I weren’t practically giving away this brand new sofa set for 179.99, nearly seventy percent off the list price.  What will I tell the kids.

SHERYL

I--

LARRY

Save it, Sheryl.  Go to your new love and his large muscles and genitalia that are reminiscent of my competitor’s over-inflated prices.  You are not worthy of my low low prices.  And though my reproductive organs may be miniature, one organ of mine remains large: my HEART.

CUT TO:

INT. FURNITURE STORE - BEDROOM DISPLAY

JONATHAN AND ERIN SIT ON A BED IN FRONT OF OTHER BEDROOM DISPLAY FURNITURE LARRY ENTERS.

LARRY

Children, I have news.

JONATHAN

Don’t you knock.

LARRY

This is my house, I can do whatever I want including selling two brand new mattresses for the price of one.  Your mother is leaving me.

ERIN

But why?

LARRY

Because my prices and sex drive are so low that I can no longer satisfy her fiscal and vaginal needs.  But we’ll be okay, kids.  We’ll be okay.

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INT. FURNITURE STORE

LARRY, HIS FAMILY, AND ARMANDO STAND IN FRONT OF THE STORE’S MAIN ROOM WITH VARIOUS BALLOONS AND STREAMERS DECORATING THE IMMEDIATE AREA.  A CLOWN STANDS ON ONE SIDE OF THE GROUP JUGGLING BOWLING PINS POORLY.  PONY WEARING A PARTY HAT STANDS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE.

LARRY

So come to Larry’s Furniture before my deals and marriage are over.  Like the saying goes: “LARRY my heart at wounded knee.”

CLOSE SHOT OF LARRY’S AWKWARDLY SMILING FACE.  THE TAKE GOES ON FOR ENTIRELY TOO LONG.

SUPERIMPOSED TEXT: LARRY’S FURNITURE 913-555-1234

VOICEOVER

Larry’s Furniture is located off Highway 61 at the corner of Elm and Marsh.  Don’t delay, act today!

FADE TO BLACK.