Hollywood Hoagies

Another bizarre idea.  If you don't get it after reading it, don't worry because there's an explanation into what the hell I was going for.

INT. GAME SHOW STUDIO

Generic game show studio set up like a cross between "Match Game" and "Hollywood Squares."  A panel of six thousand celebrities sit on a huge grid on one side of the room while the host and two contestants stand behind their podiums on the other side.  The camera pans over the packed studio of hundreds of audience members a la "The Price is Right."

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

Welcome back to...

Graphic logo for "Hollywood Hoagies" appears on screen.

AUDIENCE

Hollywood!  Hoagies!

The camera whips back around to the host, Mark Billings, and  the two contestants, slowly zooming to a tighter shot.

MARK BILLINGS

That's right!  I'm Mark Billings and we're back for round two of today's game.  After round one, it looks like competition is heating up!  Let's just get right back into it.

He turns to the first contestant, Jeffrey.

MARK BILLINGS

Jeffrey, you're up!  Choose your celebrity!

Jeffrey straightens up at his podium and contemplates his choice.  After a second's thought:

JEFFREY

Gilbert Gottried.

Mark immediately turns to face the celebrity panel.

MARK BILLINGS

(unhealthy amount of enthusiasm)

Gilbert Gottfried, where are ya?!

The camera focused on the celebrity panel quickly zooms in on Gilbert Gottfried, who waves to the applauding audience.

GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I'm ready to play, Mark!

MARK BILLINGS

Alright, Gilbert, then let's just dive right in!

Mark turns to the audience.

MARK BILLINGS

(expectantly)

Audience?

AUDIENCE

Hollywood!  Hoagies!

The audience applauds wildly as Gilbert Gottfried lifts a hoagie from his podium in the panel and starts to eat it.  He's in no hurry, he may as well be eating at home.  He occasionally reaches for the mug on his podium and takes a sip.  The audience applauds at random intervals for seemingly no reason.  After about forty seconds of watching him eat:

MARK BILLINGS

Alright, Sarah, it's your turn!

The other contestant, Sarah, looks over the celebrity panel.

SARAH

(confidently)

Caroline Rhea.

Mark whips around to face the panel with complete disregard for human life.

MARK BILLINGS

Sweet Caroline!

Just as before, the camera zooms in on Caroline Rhea at her podium.

CAROLINE RHEA

Here I am!

MARK BILLINGS

And here we go!  You know what to do, audience!

AUDIENCE

Hollywood!  Hoagies!

Caroline Rhea lifts her hoagie and starts in on it just like Gilbert Gottfried did: no rush, just munching on it and occasionally taking a sip from her drink.  The audience reaction is similar, they applaud and cheer at random.  After about thirty seconds of this:

MARK BILLINGS

Let's check back in with Gilbert Gottfried.  Gilbert?

Gilbert is about halfway through his hoagie by now.  He waves and gives a thumbs up to the camera as he continues to munch away.

MARK BILLINGS

(chuckling)

Well, he's certainly enjoying himself.

Mark turns to face the camera.

MARK BILLINGS

As you can see, it's another game of Hollywood Hoagies.  Stay tuned for round three right after these commercials!

The audience applauds loudly as the camera sweeps over them and the panel of celebrities.  Upbeat theme music plays.

FADE OUT.

The "joke," if you can call it that, is that there's no game.  It's literally just celebrities eating sandwiches in some sort of game show format but with no scoring.