I have been working on a screenplay, that's why this crappy blog wasn't updated for so long. Sorry. Wrote this yesterday. I probably could have made it longer, but I'd rather get to the point and be done with it, otherwise it goes from a 6-page sketch into a 20-page short film.
INT. FRAT HOUSE
Jeff, Mark, and Steve sit around drinking beer and watching television. A few empty cans lay by Jeff and Mark. Steve, on the other hand, has gone through more than what both of his friends have drank combined and is severely trashed. He turns to his friends.
STEVE
Dudes... What is going on?
JEFF
Uh, hey, Steve. What's up?
STEVE
You guys, ask me anything.
Jeff and Mark exchange glances, they aren't really sure what's going on here.
MARK
Like what?
STEVE
ANYTHING, bro. Hit me with it.
Jeff and Mark still don't really know what's going on.
STEVE
COME ON. I wanna gab!
MARK
Alright... Um, well...
He can't think of anything. He just looks at Jeff, who shrugs back.
MARK
What'd you get in Biology this semester?
STEVE
Bah, come on! Something good! Hell, you guys already know the answer to that one: I failed!
MARK
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
STEVE
C'mon, Jeff. You ask.
JEFF
Okay... Hmm. When is the last time you talked to a woman?
STEVE
(no hesitation, very smug)
Three hours ago. Mom's b-day, I gave her a call.
JEFF
I meant like a non-family--
STEVE
Don't you guys want to know anything besides this trivial b.s.? Ask me ANYTHING, bros!
Jeff and Mark really don't want to play anymore. Jeff picks up a beer and hands it to Steve.
JEFF
Why don't you have another beer and pass out, Steve?
Steve hesitates.
STEVE
Only if you ask me something for real.
Jeff laments.
JEFF
Okay... Who's gonna win the election?
Steve smiles and takes the beer.
STEVE
Alright, now we're talkin'. The president... will... be...
He cracks open the beer.
STEVE
Dennis muthafuckin' Kucinich.
Jeff and Mark just look at Steve completely dumbfounded.
MARK
What.
STEVE
Heard it here first, bro. C'mon, hit me again.
MARK
Yeah. How about when are you going to lose your virginity, Professor?
STEVE
How about tomorrow, ass. To yo mama!
Mark clearly didn't care for that remark, he tries to fight Steve. Jeff steps in.
JEFF
Alright, let's take it easy.
STEVE
Yeah, I'll take it easy. On Mark's mom when I'm riding her bareback down the stairs tomorrow night!
Mark tries to attack Steve again but is held back by Jeff.
JEFF
EASY! How about one more "prediction," huh? Something neutral so no one gets pissed off?
STEVE
Sure. Let me drop this bomb on you.
Steve turns deadly serious.
STEVE
Tonight, while we're all sleeping, Spain will invade Portugal. Within two weeks, we will be ensconced in World War Three.
Mark and Jeff are speechless. Steve notices.
STEVE
(emphatic)
World. War. Three.
JEFF
Okay... I'm going to go to bed.
MARK
Me, too. See ya, Steve.
Steve pays no mind to them, he turns his attention back to the television.
STEVE
Sure. Later, guys.
Mark and Jeff head out of the room and down the hall to where Steve can no longer hear them.
MARK
What the hell?
JEFF
He's drunk, forget it.
MARK
I guess. He's just a different person when he drinks. It's like he thinks he has to impress us.
JEFF
Dude, forget it. World War Three is in two weeks, we'll all be too dead to care!
MARK
Yeah, right! HAHA!
JEFF
HAHAHA!
They head to their rooms, still laughing.
Fade out.
Fade In:
EXT. NORMANDY - DAY
"THREE WEEKS LATER." Steve, Mark, and Jeff sit in their army uniforms on a naval ship drifting towards Normandy beach. This sit amongst another thirty men in uniform.
MARK
Goddamn President Kucinich...
STEVE
Hey, don't say I didn't tell you.
JEFF
Shut up, Steve.
STEVE
Hey, on the bright side, at least I'm not gonna die a virgin! Right, Mark?!
MARK
Shut up, Steve.
The men sit in silence for a few seconds. Then:
JEFF
(realizing)
Wait, maybe we won't die. I mean, Steve predicted all that other stuff. Look into the future again, how does this end?
STEVE
I dunno, I can only do that when I'm really drunk. Too bad I don't drink anymore. You all should have asked me more that night when I was trashed.
JEFF
(thoughtfully)
The night when you were trashed...
Cut to:
EXT. NORMANDY - DAY
"FIVE MINUTES LATER." Establishing shot of the exterior of the ship. We only hear the waves crashing against the boat. Quick cut into the actual ship. Mark and Jeff hold Steve up as he attempts to do a keg stand against his will while the other men on the boat cheer him on.
MARK
Chug it!
STEVE
(crying)
I don't want to, I don't like this!
JEFF
We need to know the future! CHUG!
STEVE
(still crying)
Please, I'm a born-again Christian!
The other soldiers begin chanting "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Steve tearfully tries to drink any of the beer. Just then, the ship they are in runs ashore. It opens unexpectedly and all of the men inside, including those participating in a certain keg stand, are mowed down by enemy machine guns within 5 seconds. Their bodies crumple to the floor.
The End.
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